TODAY, I just can't stop CRYING. You know how you hear: "It's the details that count". Well some details, some small things, can have a major impact by triggering a thinking process that finally brings a conclusion, an EPIPHANY of some sort.
I have a cell phone, by contract which I'm proud expires in November 2012. Last night, I went to the cell phone store because I had the idea of getting a multiple line account. You know those cellular account which have to phones with individual numbers, which share airtime and dataload. To get a good deal, I need to go back on a 3 year contract and I didn't want that. I didn't want it because I was SCARED. Scared of getting stuck with it if I end up alone, scared of the engagement.
I am scared of COMMITMENT. I don't want to be tied down anymore and I certainly don't want the biggest commitment of all: having kids. I don't want KIDS. I'm not even particularly fawned of them. Simplest example: when I go to a restaurant I ask the waitress to be a furthest away from kids. I don't hate them, I just dislike them before 7 years-old "ish". The issue of having kids has come up in my other relationships. My first husband after our separation had his daughter not even before the divorce was final and my second one... mixing genes with him would be a monumental MISTAKE. I'm not comparing I'm just chronologically analyzing my choice. I don't have the patience for kids. I'm 34 and my clock hasn't much time left. I don't want to massacre my figure. I want... it's me, myself and I. I want to have impact on a or many human beings but not as a parent.
Here's the crossroad. I finally MADE UP my mind. I'll be a womyn who isn't going to have kids. I'll be proud to say from now on: I'm not having kids.
My boyfriend does... what now!
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