Admitting you need help...

Well, here I am... I was in denial and now, I'm admitting I need the help.

The last post entitled "Where's the motive" was kinda my bottom pit. As I'm now in this semester full time, I thought I could handle it but I can't. I have too many questions, too many doubts, too many "but" and too many "should-I-and-could-I". I'm glad I didn't take the first four weeks of my semester so seriously while retrospecting today. It permitted to be where I am... right now.

There's resources all around us and the majority of us don't think about applying to them and using them. I thought getting back in the full-time student mode would be easy but it ain't. I'm having a really hard time. Actually, I need to think about this semester as a period of adaptation. With the long break I took last year and the semester with only 1 class, I got a taste of working full time, kicking back and having some free and social time. I enjoyed having a regular schedule and established a couple of routines. For the last 4 weeks, I've been living a lot of anxiety, picked-up smoking again part-time. I say part-time because I smoke 1 day than I don't for 4 or smoke 2 and don't for 5. Also, I was drinking a lot but I slowed that down now for the last weeks.

I've been turning to my household and my friends for some support, advice and guidance. Nothing was doing the trick. Well it was but slowly. When I'm in crisis, I introspect, which awkwardly enough I did a bunch during my Self Growth class last semester. Then, I turned to my immediate networks: family, friends and acquaintances. I was moving forward but I wasn't getting to any enlightenment. I even opened up my book from my class of Psychology of Motivation from Concordia and that just confirm a lot of the arguments I had in head. It was time to go outside of my usual circles.

I met a guidance councilor today at UQAM. It helps. I'll be meeting her again in two weeks. I want to finish this degree but I just to have the patience for it anymore. Being told it's not too late in my degree to get help is a blessing.