Being the comedy relief!

A while back... Approximately over a year ago, I participated in a documentary production. Last night, it was on Cable, on Canal Vie. The director of Bisexualité : Territoires secrets, Suzanne Guy, sent me an e-mail about a week before the showing. It got me so excited. Last e-mail she wrote to me, its last part just stayed stuck to me while the show was starting:

"... J'espère que tu seras contente de ta participation, moi je suis si heureuse que tu sois dans mon film Shanna.

On se reparle!

Suzanne"

I think I understand better that sentence now. When the production team was at my place in early 2010, it was mention that the documentary was becoming downbeat and taken a more somber road which wasn't Suzanne original idea initially. She told me back then : "I was like a ray of sunshine". I'm the documentary's COMEDY RELIEF.

Everybody talking about bisexuality in the film are very... I don't know how to explain it. Each time my face popped up on screen, I was bursting of energy and laughing/smiling with my super crooked smile. I was just being me. I'm glad that I participated on this project.

Me and Suzanne Guy, on set

One thing for sure - It's weird to see yourself on t.v.

CLOSED to Sexology

This blog entry is more about getting rid of a few demons. I am up since 4 am this morning simply because I am anxious and stressed. That's a demon that often visits me: anxiety and stress about things that haven't happened yet.

I got accepted at UQAM in 2001, for a bach in Sexology. Yes, I did attend Concordia too but this is all about UQAM. For the last 10 years, I have a wonderful thing that's happening which is called: Life. Unfortunately, studying wasn't the main event. I started gradually going back to school since 2008. I took a couple of classes in Sexology because that's the field I was in. 2009 was rough and I couldn't go to University. For those reasons in 2009, I chose to take a certificate in English. I finished my certificate. 

This means for the last two years I wasn't in Sexology. You can't be submitted to two programs at once at l'UQAM, and also my 8 years were up (you only have a certain amount of years to get your diploma). The sexology classes taken this semester are with permission of my English department's Dean. Consequently, it is official for this semester: I HAVE NO OPEN FILE WITH THE SEXOLOGY DEPARTMENT ANYMORE.

I feel like crying, I feel lost and those two sentiments make me feel ridiculous. I've just been so used to the feeling of belonging to Sexology that it actually feels weird not having an active file with them anymore. My main worry is NOW I'm ready to study in it full-time and finish it but I have to go through the selection process AGAIN. This means I have to admit a new student application and that action signifies being put through an approval process. Basically, I'm worried of being REJECTED. Yup, there it is: my fear of rejection that's creeping up on me and keeping me awake at 4 am in the morning (though writing this blog is making me relax...) I did write above a "few" demons.

I am so keen at finishing a bach in Sexology and calling myself a sexologist but this step is totally dispersing my drive to succeed in my classes this semester. As I think about it, I can't fail these sex. classes because they count for the English Certificate which I'm maintaining a really good GPA. I'm really trying to stay positive but I just can't help myself feel beaten in some way. I'm trying to look at this as positively as I can and I'm really trying to figure what is my next move. I always like to have a plan B, a plan C and a plan D when plan A doesn't work out.

What I know for now is the above and that I have until March 1st to send in my application. Acceptance criteria for new students based on university credits are 100% but I'll try to pitch in my "life experience" card which can count for something. I have to gather some letters of certification and acknowledgment to make me look even better!!! My all so many classes of sex. that I took so far makes me a second year student. Technically, it wouldn't be abnormal to change direction after a year... (if rejected). I'll take the next week or two to think about all this and see what my other plans can be. Reorganize myself in a way, academically!

Being hopeful about this entry's purging ability... onward with my day!

My little tour of the "Everything about Sex Show"

Last Friday after class, my boyfriend was in town with me and we went to Place Bonaventure to attend the Everything about Sex Show exhibit. 20 dollars per person: it cost a lovely 40$ to get in. Though you can get a 3-day pass for 30$. It's still not a huge exhibition but it's very descent compared to its beginning: more stands, more kiosques, and they still have they're big stage where we saw pole-robics. The performer owns her own school in Montreal, and she placed herself 8th in a National pole dancing competition. You should see the thighs and calves on this chick: "Wow". It was nice to look at but it was annoying listening to little couple in front of me. The guy kept mentioning about the pole dancer's cellulite... For god sake, you go on stage, poor bastard! Sidetracking...

I won't describe all the booths. First one I came in on, 2 for 1 pyrex glass dildos. They were so awesome, beautiful and shiny, of all sizes. 50$ is cheap it seems. The 3 girls behind the counter all had the same sale's pitch (Imagine this sentence said with a valley girl accent.): "They're so resistant, that I dropped it on the floor and it didn't break." Me and Justin we passed the booth 3 times, 3 different girls at that counter and they all said the same thing. We laughed.

Me and Dr. Laurie Betito

This lovely picture at the right is Dr. Laurie Betito from CJAD. She has a talk show radio, especially about relational topics and issues. A friend of mine got interviewed by her several months ago. It was very interesting to meet her. We got to exchange about sexology and psychology. She gave me some good references towards English Canda since sexology in Quebec seems mainly a French thing, or almost.

Kept going down the aisles, at the back of the exhibition hall was the "donjon". Oh yes! there was lots of stuff going on and people there were the most courteous. Ready to answer any questions. We passed there and stayed a while. Pictures weren't aloud, of course. I have to say throughout the whole show, all the folks there were the most authentic but that's just my opinion. A lot of stands were for sex toys of all kind and lots were for clothes too. I get a kick out of listening to people's reactions: "Ah check that out!", "Oh that's gross!" and "Can you believe this?". Those are the most recurring exclamations I heard that night.

One that stand out for me was Bonnie's Bedroom.com I went on the Web site. I was very, very happy. The have 2 lines of lingerie that go up to 5XL. My big hips and thighs (plus my "arse") are joyful.... my ego too! It's just nice to have something like this Canadian-based and not have to shop on E-bay international. I have to say that their prices are quite reasonable. A few items are overpriced but they weren't the most popular ones on their site. The staff at the kiosque were nice. They let me take a picture of their sign :)

As we went on, you could notice some stands weren't what they seemed. This one booth had little papers to fill out for contests and prizes; e.g. a Harley-Davidson, 500$ cash; but you didn't know what was the organization for this or the company behind it. It just felt like they were picking up people's info. The other stand in the "fishy" department was http://clitoraid.org/ I love what it represents but with some light research and reading more into it, it's not what it seemed. I found that "clitoraid" was a catchy name though.

There was Uncle D and so many other pornography material types booths. Some were hardcore and some were very artistic. It nice to see how the porn stars and models look in real life compared to photos and videos: "Wow, the miracles of make-up, lighting and Photoshop!" hehehe We finished our tour with "art". As you come in, on the far left of the hall, they arranged a sort of little art gallery. There was so many lovely pieces. This one artist in particular. Too bad the picture didn't come out better but if anybody knows this guy:  I want to encourage him.

There was pieces of all kind: oil canevases, ink on rag, photographs. I left drool puddles on their floor.

We spent all and about an hour and a half in there. It was educational, I met some interesting people and I saw beautiful things. 20$ for entrance is a bit steep for the time I spent there but you can stay for way longer than that. I didn't buy anything impressive. I've never read so many instruction, awareness and disclaimer messages on products. I did get out of there with an subscription for FA magazine (Femmes d'Aujourd'hui). Last and not least, me and my partner NOW both know that dropping a pyrex glass dildo on the floor won't break it.

I love you "man"

I wanted to write about this for several days now. I went out last week with a high school friend of mine who is a guy. When we say our goodbyes, I gave him a big hug and said: "Ya know' I love you" He replied the same thing back at me. The process stocked to me for 2 reasons. First, I never told this to him before, and I don't want to be misleading because, second, I say I love you to really good friends. I say: "I love you" to my better half as well, but with a different tone, in different ways and I'll just leave it at that.

I have to say with all the flaws my mother has, one thing I do appreciate is: I was raised into showing my affection (or hate), whatever the level, physically and verbally to my close-ones. Over the years, it became like that as well towards my friends. Verbalizing with "I love you" and getting physical with pecks on the cheeks, or mouth, and really big hugs. I "so" like hugs.

I have girlfriends that I say often the tree-letter sentence, almost everything time we speak or chat. To guys, I don't say it that much: my brother, my dad, boyfriend and one of my ex (occasionally). Maybe that's why it stands out for me because there ain't that many men to who I say it in a casual fashion. Apart from being misleading, the thought of appropriateness comes to mind as well and some other questions. Do I misuse the words? Do I take them too lightly? Is it cultural for me, as in English: you like or you love. In French: "t'aime...", you love everything. Well even though, it is the verb "love" I understand it means "like" also. Does my head just automatically "aime" everything?

Well it's done - I'm not taking back my words. It is how I fell. I love my friends and I'll express it to my very good friends whenever. So here's a thought to myself: "DEAL WITH IT!"

letter "t" with "tu"... oh my! Let me bitchslap you!!!

Let me get this off my chest : "I'm no grammarer myself!", especially in English. For this reason, and others, this blog exists to improve my English writing skills. In French, I ain't so bad but I bow down to anyone which I see is better than me and let them correct me. French is an ever-changing language, I don't trust it! I mean that in a sarcastic way with a pinch of humor, of course.

But it really gets to me when I read this like these: "Hé ben .. tu veut à matin !!!!!!!! Attend un petit peu là ..... à 3h heur tu pourra !" I see these types of mistakes a lot in French and not as much in English. I read that sentence and my eyes hiccup on each mistakes! I find that if you can even conjugate verbs with "TU" properly... I'll just slap you!

Teachers - tsk, tsk, tsk!

I am not one to criticize much about teachers, I wanted a catchy title. A few of my friends and family members are teachers from elementary all the way to university. I know them on a personal level but I wonder how they are as teachers.

We all have multiple façades: one for friends, one for family, one for work and so on. It's not about being a different person or personas, it's just being aware of your surroundings and adapting: i.e. You love to wear slacks but you'll be in a suit for a job interview. Which is why I try not to judge on first appearances with people from my workplace or university, I may perceive them negatively at the beginning but I try to see something good. Well there's my PSY200 teacher at Concordia to who I am trying very hard to do that. Last night, I drew a line in my head and I'm not trying anymore. The guy, as a teacher, is... I can't describe it. There's more than one person that teaches Psy200 so he can still remain somewhat anonymous. He's slow mannered in class, it is very hard to have a straight answer out of him, and e-mails from him always have a bunch of grammar mistakes and typos. He's slow mannered in assignment handouts too. He gives reading assignments, equivalent to a hundred pages, an hour and a half before the concerned class.

It drives me crazy and a quick survey among other students proves that I'm not the only one. It's a 6 credit class which means that I had it in the Fall semester and now again for Winter. The classes are structured that from 6 to 7:30 pm its theoretical and after that, coop activities. I tried to be a good sport with myself but I just can't bare it anymore. From now on, I'll arrive early stay the first part and just leave afterwards!!! The class has 96 registered students but we're never more that 30, physically in class. When evaluations happen, the whole student body in there. I've had teachers that are total "dicks" and there easy to deal with = indifference; but since this one isn't clear about things, we need to interact occasionally with him... in person... because by e-mail it won't be clear!!

I consider teachers to be "special". You need to be, it is demanding! But like any other field, not everyone is good at what they do.

Bagging on 5 cents?

I can qualified this entry as a "rant". I've worked early 2010 as a cashier for an IGA. I'll say it : IGA Extra Gladu, in Saint-Jean-sur-Richelieu. Back in the days, Management would get after me if I didn't punch the code for the exact amount of plastic bags given to a customer. It's understandable, it is now a buyable product. This supermarket, like many others, charges 5 cents per plastic / paper bag taken by their customers. Usually, supermarkets charge for the plastic bags. This type of initiative got some attention back in Spring 2009 in the media for Loblaws, Provigo and Maxi, here in Quebec. (I did try to find some articles related to Sobey's about the matter - but I got lazy!) Just to give an idea how far 5 cents a bag can go:

Charge: 5¢ plus 1¢ HST
In effect: As of June 1, 2009
Average plastic retail shopping bags generated per household per week in Toronto: 8.8
Loblaws plastic bag usage: 55% reduction in 2009 after 5¢ fee introduced.
Loblaws diversion rate: 1.3-billion plastic bags diverted from landfill in 2009.
Loblaws donation to environment: $3 million of proceeds from 1,000 stores given over three years to WWF Canada.
Amount spent policing stores: $2 million per year

It represents a lot of money. As you can notice, this represent Loblaws not IGA but it was to give a basic understanding.

Back in the days at my IGA, I would ask: "Where does the money go?" I got the reply: "In the boss' pockets!" with a giggle. Seriously, I still shop there today. I was only a cashier for 3 months so a lot of the staff don't even remember me, most see me as a familiar face. When I ask, again today: "Where does the 5-cents go?" I still can't get a clear answer.

The implementation of a charge for the use of plastic is foremost to reduce use of plastic bags by customers, for environmental reasons. It's an incentive for the store's clientele to bring their reusable bags. Per 1000$ of sales - there's a 55% reduction of plastic bag usage by this type of punitive method compared to a rewarding system which only gave a 4% reduction (Source: Loblaws). I started using my reusable bags way before 5-cent charges on plastic bags started. I hate accumulating plastic bags at home. I use them, like others for garbage purposes. I didn't mind at the beginning paying 5 cents here and there for a plastic bag but it bothers me more and more now. It's not just the supermarkets anymore that charge them, it's my local stores, Zellers and others. Zellers, in Saint-Jean-sur-Richelieu, couldn't give me a straight answer either to where my 5-cent goes.

"Why do I even care 'bout this?", I asked myself. I realized that a plastic bag isn't worth 5 cents, it costs around from 0.0022$ to 0.0024$ to make. Looking at the figures in my example above, I sure hope that businesses reinvest those 5-cents in some environmental/non-profit organizations and it truly does not go in the bosses'/owners' pockets. Evidently for not having clear answers to my initial question: "Where does the 5-cent go?" - I use my reusable bags for environmental reasons and for fashionable reasons BUT ALSO I'M NOT GIVING THEM 5 CENTS ANYMORE. Oh yes! I am using caps here because it does make me want to scream because I feel like I'm being taken for an idiot but I guess it's all part of that punitive system so that I keep using my reusable bags.

/sighing loudly while banging my head against a door frame

References:
- http://www.cyberpresse.ca/le-soleil/actualites/environnement/200904/21/01-848849-loblaws-provigo-et-maxi-exigent-5-cents-pour-les-sacs-a-usage-unique.php
- http://forums.redflagdeals.com/5-cents-per-plastic-bag-nets-loblaws-39-7-million-2009-time-boycott-loblaws-985899/
- http://www.torontosun.com/news/torontoandgta/2010/08/03/14913421.html
- http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090404151826AAgM2Yv

Holidays' end with "germs"!

As I wrote on my Facebook's page: "Spending time with people during the Holidays is the best! We share so much, even germs." Conclusively, I AM SICK! An aunt and a cousin were sick = my baby brother got sick, myself and now my boyfriend... oh joy! I'm sure others are too. A sure thing is I'm so happy to be sick as a non-smoker because before I would have been coughing my poor little lungs out. My throat would have been so irritated that my voice would have had a deeper tone. Drinking coffee is known to irritate even more a soar throat. I still drink coffee when I'm sick because of the effect of caffeine on the respiratory system but it doesn't hurt anymore.

Being sick at home, during my last week of vacation, gives you time to reflect. I should have been catching up on cleaning, organizing myself and planning for the next months but I'm still playing one of my Christmas present which is World of Warcraft. About the game, I am a good girl for I canceled my present subscription and my last playday for this turn is Feb 7th. I have to concentrate on my studies. Getting back on track, I got to think a lot about my family. My grand-parents are both in the late 70's and I get thinking that this past holiday could be the last with them. Aunts and uncles are always a pleasure to see, I had the privilege to see the ones from New-Brunswick (which that aunt was sick!!) and my aunt from Florida. I have another pair which live here in Quebec, that I see a bit more and always want to see more. My cousins were a surprise too - Jessica and her girlfriend were cute as a button; Sara and Derek - oh well that was a surprise. If any of my family members read this blog they would agree with that Sara totally flipped. I was expecting the unaffectioned, emotionally challenged teenager that I knew from 2008, but people can change a lot. My mom acted as the "kinkeeper" this year and consequently, she was all over the place: organizing, taking care of everybody and making sure my grand-parents were not doing too much.

Were there any negatives about this Holidays' season? Of course, it's family! I've searched all definitions for "family". They have all one common thing: it's a group of people. Every group of people doesn't get along perfectly all the time. They all have their drama, they all have their moments, they all have their cheers and they all have their laughs. What makes family different from other groups is the L.O.V.E. This love make the positive stand-out from those negatives. May our families be of biological or social makes-up, through that L.O.V.E. we are willing to forgive, to cherish and to restart it throughout the year and at the following Holidays.

Screw you New Year's resolution!

I'm always amaze on how a lot of people rely on a New Year for things to change in their lives: the fact that 2011 is going to be so different from 2010. I only see a number change. Maybe it's that sense of renewal, of new beginnings... a kind of reboot: "this year will be better than the last". Personally, you are starting the "new" year with your shit setted up the same way as just a few days ago. So if 2010 finishes bad, 2011 starts bad and vice-versa. All this to say that New year resolutions suck!

Definition of a new year's resolution according to Wikipedia: A New Year resolution is a commitment that an individual makes to a personal goal, project, or the reforming of a habit. This lifestyle change is generally interpreted as advantageous. A New Years Resolution is generally a goal someone sets out to accomplish in the coming year. Some examples include resolutions to donate to the poor more often, to become more assertive, or to become more environmentally responsible.

Definition of a new year's resolution according to the Urban dictionary: An assessment of, and often delusional attempt to correct, one's shortcomings. Typically made on a day that is arbitrary except that it begins a new year on the standard Gregorian Calendar. Given the arbitrary nature of the date and the sudden change of lifestyle demanded by most resolutions, it should not be surprising that most resolutions are abandoned by the start of the next year. Fortunately the next New Year gives a person the opportunity to make the same resolution again.

These aren't the best sources but it gives an overview of a new year's resolution definition. Resolutions should be made year long and not just in the Holidays. Plus, resolutions need to be realistic. I've heard so many resolutions from people this past Holidays that I wanted to point them out and say "Bullshit!" I'll respect resolutions brought from "assessments". Assessing what's going on with you, around you and planning goals for the time ahead.

I haven't made any resolutions for this year. I'm throwing them out the window. I didn't made any during Holidays 2009. I made some throughout 2010 and succeeded in quite a few. I'm actually entering 2011 with the same goals that I had in Sept and Oct. I'll probably end up having somewhat of a resolution or a couple by spring. My resolutions are always nearly made at the end of the winter period - beginning spring. I can't be the only one?