This blog entry is more about getting rid of a few demons. I am up since 4 am this morning simply because I am anxious and stressed. That's a demon that often visits me: anxiety and stress about things that haven't happened yet.
I got accepted at UQAM in 2001, for a bach in Sexology. Yes, I did attend Concordia too but this is all about UQAM. For the last 10 years, I have a wonderful thing that's happening which is called: Life. Unfortunately, studying wasn't the main event. I started gradually going back to school since 2008. I took a couple of classes in Sexology because that's the field I was in. 2009 was rough and I couldn't go to University. For those reasons in 2009, I chose to take a certificate in English. I finished my certificate.
This means for the last two years I wasn't in Sexology. You can't be submitted to two programs at once at l'UQAM, and also my 8 years were up (you only have a certain amount of years to get your diploma). The sexology classes taken this semester are with permission of my English department's Dean. Consequently, it is official for this semester: I HAVE NO OPEN FILE WITH THE SEXOLOGY DEPARTMENT ANYMORE.
I feel like crying, I feel lost and those two sentiments make me feel ridiculous. I've just been so used to the feeling of belonging to Sexology that it actually feels weird not having an active file with them anymore. My main worry is NOW I'm ready to study in it full-time and finish it but I have to go through the selection process AGAIN. This means I have to admit a new student application and that action signifies being put through an approval process. Basically, I'm worried of being REJECTED. Yup, there it is: my fear of rejection that's creeping up on me and keeping me awake at 4 am in the morning (though writing this blog is making me relax...) I did write above a "few" demons.
I am so keen at finishing a bach in Sexology and calling myself a sexologist but this step is totally dispersing my drive to succeed in my classes this semester. As I think about it, I can't fail these sex. classes because they count for the English Certificate which I'm maintaining a really good GPA. I'm really trying to stay positive but I just can't help myself feel beaten in some way. I'm trying to look at this as positively as I can and I'm really trying to figure what is my next move. I always like to have a plan B, a plan C and a plan D when plan A doesn't work out.
What I know for now is the above and that I have until March 1st to send in my application. Acceptance criteria for new students based on university credits are 100% but I'll try to pitch in my "life experience" card which can count for something. I have to gather some letters of certification and acknowledgment to make me look even better!!! My all so many classes of sex. that I took so far makes me a second year student. Technically, it wouldn't be abnormal to change direction after a year... (if rejected). I'll take the next week or two to think about all this and see what my other plans can be. Reorganize myself in a way, academically!
Being hopeful about this entry's purging ability... onward with my day!
You know Shanna... Not that I wanna stress you even more, but actually you'd better send your application as quick as possible. That just shows how interested and motivated you are... (I guess).
ReplyDeleteAs you said, you're practically a second year student... I really don't see why they'd wanna reject you.
Keep your head up high because this is definitely not the end of the journey!
:)
When I was at Con U, there were some really good guidance councellors. They can always help with plan B because they can help you identify alternate programs (just in case) so that you can start to feel positive about your back up plans while still building confidence about plan A.
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